In My Defense, Whole Foods Infested with Deadly Spiders…

In my defense, I do something every April Fools day, but this year it snuck up on me. I didn’t even remember until 11:30 pm, and my mind blanked. It decided I’d either say that the site had been bought by CitySearch, or I was closing up shop. I chose the latter. All the stories, comments, etc., were true. It was also by far the biggest traffic day in the history of the site, with such a heavy surge this morning my server slowed to a crawl, and I had to up the cache and shed features. My apologies if it was slow when you came around.

On the other hand, I felt pretty bad, because of the torrent of upset emails and quite a few comments. I apologize to those of you who didn’t bother to click the links at the bottom which led to the April Fools stories – sort of. I don’t feel bad for Matt Davis, who ran a hysterical, wailing story of my demise – especially after the nasty things he said when I dropped him an email. Google, and Kodak.com also ran notable pranks, but my favorite was from Woopra, a web traffic analyzer, who reported that with their new update, not only could you zoom in and see the house of any visitor to your website, but you could also turn on their webcam without them knowing it.

Because of the increase in traffic, I have decided to pull the same stunt next year too. You have been warned.

While I’m here, a little bit of news!

The McCormick and Schmick’s space at 235 SW First ave downtown, is for lease. I think this is the original location for the entire chain, so I’m surprised to see they are closing. On the other hand, it’s on the Max line. For the time being, the restaurant seems to be open.

Wineageddon! In spite of dire predictions that many restaurants would close, so far it has been wine shops that have been hardest hit. Russell St. Wine Merchants, La Bodega, Urban Wineworks and now Salut! in Vancouver. Wine stores are such a dream, it is sad to see them go.

Of course this doesn’t mean many restaurants aren’t teetering. Several are way behind on taxes, many are on COD by their vendors, and many are cutting drastic rent deals with landlords that don’t want a big empty space. I’m not posting any of this (yet), but at this point the list is getting long. Go out and have dinner!

Coffee houses have been pretty immune to economic pressures over the last year (except for Starbucks), but even this is changing. All you have to do is sit in your favorite shop for a while and take note of how much house coffee they sell compared to espresso drinks. Looks to me like tips are down too.

Everyone has their “must haves” that make them feel human. For me it’s my every day espresso, cappuccino. Please mix my ashes with a nice grind.

For many it is alcohol. Are bars/taverns getting hit yet? I don’t frequent them enough to know. However, in a cruel April Fools joke, liquor prices jumped by .50 a bottle today. Supposedly this tax will only last through June.

BaconPops – Suckers made from organic thick-cut bacon and maple. At first I was disgusted, but hmm. I’d try one. According to the website, “When you eat one, it’s like some of the best parts of breakfast – you get that Maple Syrup rush all over your tongue and the extra layer of salty, hearty BACON.” If anyone orders some, let us know how they are.

Bananas can kill you! One of the most deadly spiders in the world has been found in a shipment of bananas at Whole Foods Market in Tulsa. Brazilian Wandering Spider. According to Huffington Post, “The spider was given to University of Tulsa Animal Facilities director Terry Childs who said this type of spider kills more people than any other”. Reminds me of a story my dad used to tell me about a spider that lived in latrines in South America. Supposedly, when a man would sit down, the spider would rush over and bite his most private parts, leading to an agonizing death. To this day, in my spider-free condo, I still turn on the bathroom light. Thanks dad.

Ground black pepper can kill you! First it was peanuts and peanut butter. Last week two million pounds of pistachios were recalled (panic in the Trader Joe’s Isles!) , now black pepper has been added to the recall list. According to KWG.com,

“…four Portland Metro area residents had been sickened by a rare salmonella infection linked to pepper, according to state health officials.

State food and health regulators tracked the salmonella outbreak to ground pepper that was imported, packaged and distributed by a California company, according to the Oregon Department of Human Services.

People were warned not to eat a dozen spices packaged under the Lian How brand name by Union International Food Co. out of Union City, Calif.”

The pepper is frequently used in Asian restaurants. All of this sounds terrible, but if you are tired of your wife/husband/significant other, now is the time to consider packing them a little lunch: peanut butter sandwich, a little Asian pho soup with nice black pepper, and handful of pistachios for an afternoon snack.

Enjoy your week! Next up, a review of Noble Rot, er… Noble Rocket, er… yeah. Then it’s back to Toro Bravo for an update.