Portland Oregon Food and Drink
Throwing Ourselves On The Grenade of Bad Food to Save You
The Food Network has been in town filming a few stories. Tonight they spent the evening at Ripe Family Supper.
There was quite a bit of friction in the Ripe clan when news of the visit first broke, but now that Rachael Ray has been wined and dined, all is forgotten; A good time had by all.
The Food Dude is everywhere.
"I have a wide-range of food experience - working in the restaurant industry on both sides of the house, later in the wine industry, and finally traveling/tasting my way around the world. Whether you agree or disagree, you can always count on my unbiased opinion. I don't take free meals, and the restaurants don't know when, or if, I am coming."
Come on Food Dude, where’s the dish? Inquiring minds want details of the friction in the Ripe clan. And Rachael who? I don’t have cable so I have never seen the Food Network.
Was it Rachael Ray? This isn’t her first trip to Portland (she’s also hit Salem and way down the coast — see here). Will she swoon as usual? Ahh the suspense.
Sorry… yes, Rachael Ray, the $40.00 a day bubbly annoying fingernailsonchalkboard (to me) food network host.
Of course she will swoon! The amazing thing is, she’s actually going to a decent restaurant this time. Go figure. someone said she was going to old town pizza too. Ack.
Am I the only one that thing Food Network has really gone downhill over the years? The only person I’ll watch is Alton Brown. The rest seems like it’s all “oh my god, will the 6′ sugar sculpture collapse when they move it to the table?!” stuff.
Food network is more interested in creating marketable personalities than informative television. They’ve gone the way of the the Roman Nazi channel, formerly known as the history channel. If it weren’t for Iron Chef (the original Japanese version) and Alton “Bastard son of Harold McGee and Carol Burnett” Brown the channel would be an insufferably long commercial. I’m pretty sure Mr Food will be getting the time slot leading into Emeril. I’ll take the 6′ sugar sculptures, at least those cats can cook, but the next time Paula walks me through nacho’s (Somethin’ for the mens to eat while they waitin’ for dinner) I reckon I’ll puke. Yes Food Dude FTV has gone downhill, not that there was far to go, but downhill nonetheless. Rachel Ray at Ripe that’s alot of R’s.
I have mixed feelings about the food network. I can’t be too hard on them as it was the early Emeril live that got me into cooking back in my grad school days (though it was living in Baton Rouge at the same time that got me into food itself).
I think their biggest problem is that they are terrible about developing talent and that on the off chance they find someone they like they give them 5 nearly identical shows and give those shows far too many time slots (thus devolving into self-parody). I think Rachael Ray has 3 shows currently and the show on which she interviews famous people who like food comes and goes. Bobby Flay could take a dump on-screen and they’d still give him another show to do 4 episodes of before everyone got bored and moved on to a different Bobby Flay show. Don’t get me started on him being on Iron Chef.
And speaking of Iron Chef and self-parody, the American version is almost unwatchable. This is partly due to their cheez-whizzing of the original’s religious cult pagentry and partly due to the one-note hackness of the “Iron Chefs,” particularly Flay and Cora, though Morimoto still rocks (and because of that they never show him). And while I’m ranting, they need to 86 the Thirsty Traveler guy and find judges who aren’t scared to eat unfamiliar things and score the chefs in a manner that reflects their comments on the food (see: Flay vs. Bayless from season 1).
Sorry for the long post, I could go on forever about that channel. I will agree that “Good Eats” is generally a great and highly watchable show.
hear hear – on the anglo version of Iron Chef one of the judges said every single dish was too salty. she was so annoying – that was basically her one-note song of criticism.
Also, the guy who plays the part of the Chairman’s “nephew” – he’s an actor. I saw him in an action B-movie and looked it up on the Interwebs (hat tip: wikipedia). He’s merely a construct to provide American audiences some semblence of narrative continuity – that’s some weak sauce that pretty much discolors the entire idea of an impartially judged competition.
I know – i’m too serious about this stuff.
Alton Brown’s show is great. Tyler Florence is a good guy – for some reason they’ve dropped his old shows and no longer have any new projects for him.
It’s become the network of Rachael Ray, whose unbridled percolation of ebullience makes you understand why the terrorists really hate us.
And don’t get me started on Emeril – his “Essence of…” show is fine, but his “Live” show is grating – especially the syncophatic crowd that cheers every perfunctory seasoning as it was a stroke of culinary genious bestowed by the gods (“…kosher salt….YEAAAAAYYY!!!!! CHEER!!!!”).
And Bobby Flay is simply a prick, and not in a good Tony Bourdain way, but in the quintessential ugly American way (who can forget him standing on his cutting board to openly disrespect Morimoto)?
The only time I’ve watched Emeril, the audience practically gave him a standing ovation when he announced he was adding garlic to…wait for it…garlic chicken. WTF?
Not that this was when the Food Network jumped the shark, but I think their Next Food Star (whatever that atrocity was called) showed where everything went wrong. Gordon Elliott (:/) led people down the path of choosing the two guys with the most “personality” and non-descript cooking skills.
FoodTV even had the gall to show the early Emeril’s and Mario’s when they were awkward and fumbling, but completely missed the point; you can develop personality but you can’t fake the funk in the kitchen. Down with Sandra Lee and Ina Garten!
Pollo, hate to burst your bubble, but the original “chairman” on the Iron Chef from Fuji t.v. was also an actor – he played Jean Vlajean in the Japanese staged version of Les Mis. Iron Chef, and most of the shows on Food Network, are primarily for the entertainment of the lowest common denominator and that demographic generally isn’t reading this website. You can ferret out some good shows that you might actually learn from (I like Batalli’s and Florence’s shows)but generally it’s fluff and treacle, e.g. Rachel Ray.
You mean there is no rich eccentric Japanese man who eats by throwing food into his mouth and chewing it like a cow? This is truely distressing news. On a positive note, whenever I become rich I can take on that personality and can say that Kaga is just an actor. I just need to figure out where to build my compound/kitchen stadium. Losing chefs will be tortured and then forced to appear on “My First Job Was at McDonalds” commercials.
The Next Food Network Star was fascinating becuase it should that pretty much anyone can be trained to be a cooking show host, regardless of their knowledge of food or cooking ability. Whether people buy it is something else entirely.
Sandra Lee is incredibly irritating and her food never looks good. Ina Garten’s show is merely a showcase for her husband’s extreme wealth which allows her to pursue activities that she enjoys like making picnic meals for beach parties and pre-nookie meals for the weekends that her husband’s employer lets him leave. God that show makes me want to barf sometimes.
KICK IT UP A NOTCH!!!! BAM!!!!
man alive…all this time i thought the chairman was a benevolent creature of habit whose predeliction for the finer points of life (and extensive pocketbook) spurred him to construct this gladiator spectacle.
hunter, you’ve exploded my worldview. there is no god. excuse my while i wander my existential highway, looking for an offramp towards reconciled truth.
i haven’t felt this confused since I took mushrooms in high school and watched Eraserhead.
The original Iron Chef was so campy it was fun to watch. Part of it was the inane comments from the judges like “oooh! It tickles my tounge… giggle”. The US version is pretty borring.
I forgot about Batali. I like his show.
I did not hear mention of Giada of Everyday Italian. I can hardly stand her (too much fake and not enough real), but most of the males I know find her show “salivating.” I think they are looking at her always obvious cleavage. At anyrate….
Giada is quite dreamy…we all have our weak moments.
Ina Garten is hard to watch. she’s so breathy it’s creepy…feels kinda like an older aunt — on your wife’s side — coming on to you during a family reunion.
I do like Batali’s show, however the show where he tours the Italian countryside with his sidekick can get quite cornball. But it’s still fun and informative.
I also still enjoy “A Cook’s Tour”, because I am a fan of Bourdain’s writing.
I first saw Iron Chef on San Francisco public access television back in 1997, and it had subtitles rather than voiceover. The best subtitle comment — from the Doctor I believe – “…unprecedented use of bacon!”
Emeril is just Ron “Ronco” Popeil on steroids and an annoying “Rhody” accent.
One cannot type of Giada while at work. I’ve tried a couple of her recipes and they were actually pretty good. I personally think she just oversells everything a bit (“It’s so CRUNCHY and CHEWEY and WONDERFUL”). It’s freaking bread and melted cheese, c’mon.
Batali’s show was fine, but they never show it anymore that I know of.
I was at the Family Supper the night after Rachel Ray was there. I’m happy for Ripe with the extra attention they will receive (not like they need it) but I do have to say that the bright lights and camera crew during my dinner experience was not expected, and not quite pleasureable. Apparently the show is going to air in June. They took a bunch of footage of us eating, so yeah, goody.
However in the end the food at Family Supper floored my ass and all was forgiven :)
Yes, Dude, the FN has gotten very annoying … it’s not just you (not that YOU’re annoying …).
Sandra Lee is fun to watch in the last 5 minutes of each show, because she loves her booze! Watch her make her “mixed drinks you’ll love” … she puts so much liquor in them, one sip could stop a horse! And by the final credits, she is slurring her words and hanging onto anything in sight, and trying desperately to say, “And remember .. keep id shimple … keep it shem-eye ho-mmmmade” with her eyes crossed and her hair slightly askew. It’s hilarious!
And what is with Ina Garten and her porn music background? She acts as if everything she says is a secret she’s letting us in on … because we’re such good friends. And her laugh … “umm hum hm hmm hmmm” … creeps me out. I’ve never seen her do anything innovative …
And Iron Chef … forget the “nimble Chairman” … where is William Shatner??? Is he not the only performer on the planet cheesy enough for the american version. I love him!!!
And please … shoot the guy who does “Unwrapped” … Marc Sommers? That sing-song delivery drives me insane. He sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher: “Wah WAH ..wa Wah wah WAH.”
OK… enough complaining. That is exactly what the remote is for: Change the channel or shut it off!
Bobby Flay (exasperated sigh),
somewhere I got a link (maybe it was here, but I’m not seeing it in this thread) which was, let’s say, unflattering to Mr. Flay. Many of the comments were sophomoric, name calling “Shameless Restaurants” stuff, although I admit to taking some pleasure in a comment to the effect that Flay {paraphrasing} has the most punchable face on Food TV (Jamie Oliver being a close second) and that his on air persona is rude, dismissive and likened to someone doing court mandated community service
The Ina Garten thing is supposed to be like getting a peek into the lives of the rich in the Hamptons.
Big yawn…but yeah, that Jeffrey does well for himself, eh? Good thing that she has all those wealthy and flambouyant single male friends to hang around with while Jeffrey is toiling away in NYC!
And hey, what’s wrong with Giada’s obvious cleavage?? ;o) What weirds me out on that show is that they seem to use film and not video…must be a DeLaurentis thing…
Mario Batali’s show is usually on in the middle of the day, btw…somewhere between 11am-1pm.
And please … shoot the guy who does “Unwrapped” … Marc Sommers? That sing-song delivery drives me insane. He sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher: “Wah WAH ..wa Wah wah WAH.”
Oh gods, Marc Sommers…wtf is wrong with him? Every episode is identical. On this sandwich episode, we’re all about how HAMburger is made. He needs a good kick in the groin.
Rachel Ray only has a handful of expressions: “Yumm-O” and “How good does THAT look!” to show two of them.
And Emeril Live may or may not know how to cook. I get distracted by his constant Bam! when he adds some more sugar to lemonade to “kick it up a notch”. Having a band on the show is sort of confusing too.
Most of the shows on the FN now are purely about entertainment rather than cooking. Unfortunately, they aren’t entertaining. They are annoying.
Of course, I’m sure there are people who still like RR and Emeril. I got sick of RR after 6 episodes where she repeaeted all the same phrases in each one.
yes i agree, ina garten sure has the life with all her rich gay friends hanging around her, eating her food, drinking her wine. but what the hell, jeffrey looks like a big loser himself, in the human department i mean.
The Oregonian has a rather critical article about this whole subject today. Turns out Valentine’s doesn’t have an espresso machine, because they don’t want to compete with Stumptown. You’ll notice the final shoot still contained a latte with the sandwich, though Ray failed to show herself. It’s a fun read in todays dining section. I haven’t found a link yet.
Here’s the link:
http://www.oregonlive.com/search/index.ssf?/base/entertainment/1152640532229170.xml?oregonian?alfs&coll=7
I’m sure Valentines isn’t the first time a place has had some “creative embelishment” applied to it on her show.
The upside is the exposure (however slightly misguided) that Portland is getting, as well as the businesses showcased.
My mom and aunt email fairly frequently telling me about some segment they saw on one RR show or another (biz idea?! have you been there?! do you know them?! have you tried making this?!). Clearly, RR brings in eyeballs.
I’m waiting for my mom to ask me if I know any of the people on the Portland segment (seems to be a parental passtime of bragging about whom your children know).
The Food Network reminds me of porn, as it seems to fetishize two very emotional and culturally powerful activities. Lots of similarities: when they try to be all classy they come off as being cheesy, lack of plot or thinly veiled plot, they usually have a “money shot” so to speak at the end, both hide unattractive aspects of their activities (such as gutting a chicken or well, you can use your imagination), both often have have “creative embelishments”, the “performers” usually have a signature schtick or move, there are weird food close ups and “mmmm, oh yes, this is good” kind of talk (and let us not forget “Bam!”), both are voyeuristic, and both take what can be very personal and intimate experiences and make them mass commodities. (not that I’m against either, just an observation).
Hmm FoodTV + Porn = equals FoodPornTV. Do you think there is a market out there?
In addition, is it me, or does anyone else find it ironic that the Food network’s ads are usually for the worst possible processed and fast foods?
Finally, food shows I’d like to see, but that will never be shown on the Food Network:
*Festival of Meat! This show takes the viewer on a journey from the pasture to the processor and finally to the table. Every part of the process is shown and the “host” will find a use for all edible parts.
*White Trash Cookin’ with your host Anthony “Bubba” Bourdain. This show tours trailer parks around the US and highlights often marginalized favorites such as Five-Can Casserole (quick and easy!) or Jail House Chili, and 7-Up Salad (yes, these are real recipes from Ernest Mickler’s White Trash cookbook).
*Burgers n’ Butts. This show mixes porn and food. First stop: The Acropolis Strip Club in beautiful Portland Oregon, where the owner also owns a cattle ranch and serves ‘em up hot and juicy along with an all you can eat salad bar (readers: this part is true, I’m not making it up)
*Things to Eat After a Night of Heavy Drinking. This program shows you how to raid your fridge at 2AM and come up with some sort of grease based snack that is perfect for soaking up the 8 Bacardis you had earlier. Fire prevention techniques will also be emphasized.
*Dumpster Delight. The anti-Rachel Ray. Sponsored by the Freegans. Join us on a bicycle tour of restaurant, gourmet grocery, and bakery dumpsters throughout the city. A wonderful meal will be prepared using the leftover bounty of a consumer society gone amok.
Any other ideas?
I read a Harpers(?) article about the food T.V./Porn link. All of what you said was mentioned.Hardcore Porn directors ARE often the directors of food T.V. According to the article Porn “technique” can be applied successfully to a number of product sales.It seems we all love porn afterall….
I had no idea, hmmm I thought I was being all original and merde. I’d love to read that Harper’s article though.
I’ll look for it….It’s probably hidden somewhere with my porn mags………
Found it!!!! Mixed in with my EXTENSIVE Azerbaijanian Midget Foot Fetishist collection.Harpers October ’95 Debbie Does Salad- The Food Network at the Frontiers Of Pornography by Frederick Kaufman. It’s good for a bit of the old “me time”
Found it ‘Debbie Does Salad: The Food Network at the Frontiers of Pornography’ by Barbara Nitke.
http://www.barbaranitke.com/harpersmag.html
So what chef in Portland would make the best Food TV and/or Porn star?
PC, you beat me. I quoted wrong author.
Thanks for the tip!
You people are out of control!
Bonnefemme: excellent comment as usual ;)
So Rachel Ray is actually a Porn starlet? Her momma must be soooo proud.
When Food Network first started gaining a foothold in the mid-nineties, my friend called it “porno for stoners.”
A show I’d like to see: a real cook demonstrates you how to make a real dish using real ingredients you can buy at a real store. Really. They never really show that anymore.
I would like to see the plucky gals from Two Hot Tamales make a return as well.
I would also like to see a show that’s a cross between “Unwrapped” but more underground and raw, perhaps with a Kitchen Confidential. Expose the less-than-glorious methods to produce and mass-product foodstuffs. Show the rotting process of anchovies in order to become Nam Pla or Nuoc Mam. Rocky Mountain oysters being cultivated. Go incognito as a plant inside a fast-food restaurant or food factory. “Unwrapped” did do a segment on surimi that I found unsettling and oddly fascinating.
Why not film an actual Saturday night at say…Babbo.Give people a feel for the whole cooking/serving experience.Get an idea of being ‘weeded” People might have more patience.We always say that everyone should have to work in a restaurant this would be the next best thing.That would be more interesting than most of the crap they do.
We call the Acrop: Steak and Legs
The story about The Acrop owner providing his own beef is, um, well, bull. Their meat comes in boxes labeled IBP.
P.C., didn’t they just film a sandwich at Valentine’s served alongside a latte? Haven’t Rocco DiSpirito and Gordon Ramsay already shown us all what it’s like behind the scenes in a restaurant? Granted, not in a FOH-centric way, but is that really what you want? Crappy theme music and a stock set of “authentic characters” at least twice as flakey as most of the people you actually have to deal with in real life? That’s just incendiary nonsense that does little to enlighten anyone about anything at all.
Anyone else a fan of the BBC series “Chef?” It’s caustically funny, and often hits home for those of us who have worked in restaurants.
Also, the best food and porn combo on film has got to be the Japanese film “Tampopo.”
Just the thought of Rachel Ray naked makes me lose my appetite (and that’s a damned difficult task.)
Tampopo as a Japanese spaghetti western, yes…food porn? I don’t see it…
You must have forgotten the scene where he overturns a small bowl of live shrimp on her naked belly – his version of foreplay, I suppose.
Ellie,
I loved Chef! Serious…serious profession.
Clearly I was wrong…….
I’ve seen a Canadian food show with a man by the name of Michael Smith. Now this is the real deal. He used to have a show out of his Inn in Nova Scotia. Now that he has a young son, he has a show called Chef at Home, where he basically just puts together what he’s got in the fridge. Now it’s not instantaneous, but this guy is honest, insightful, and has a like likeable personality . Look up his recipes online, and hope food network USA picks up his show soon.